


Headcanons and Oneshots and Au's oh my!

by EyebrowObsession



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Bad Jokes, Fluff, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Silly, Spy's Head, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4585581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyebrowObsession/pseuds/EyebrowObsession
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a place for fun things (or not so fun things).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Itch.

They're sitting in Spy's smoking room, chatting and enjoying each other when it happens.  
The Sniper seems to shudder. He twists in his chair and tries to reach his back. He begins to make little grunts of frustration as Spy slowly stops telling him about the newest book he's read.  
"....'ou look ridiculous." This earns a huff from his horse-faced lover.  
"Oi got an itch. Got any forks?" Spy sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He is not going to hand over a fork for the dirty bushman to scratch himself with. The dirty by an in question can see this.  
".....Foine." He stands and huffs again, and Spy is reminded of a pouty child. The Frenchman smirks softly.  
Sniper sends him a look, still struggling to reach that spot, before he leans against the edge of the fireplace and begins to rub against it. Like a bear.  
A ridiculous bear.  
"Oh my- Sniper. Quit zhat."  
"Well ya don't have any forks and this bloody itches!"  
"'Ou look ridiculous!"  
"Then do somethin' about it!"  
"Fine." Sniper pauses, eyebrows knitting together, eyes watching the Spook as he approaches. What did he mean-  
Spy turns Sniper around abruptly, pulling his gloves off and setting them aside. Since the Aussie wore nothing but his undershirt for upper clothing today, the masked man is able to quickly reach under with both hands. His nails graze across skin that is sometimes smooth and sometimes scarred, sometimes clear and sometimes dry, and even sometimes fuzzy.  
"Tell me where I am going."  
"Go up."  
This began a series of directions sometimes interrupted by small comments or insults. Insults like how the Sniper's skin felt like a crocodile's, or how Spy needed to stop being a wimp and scratch harder. This continued until Spy finally found it.  
The itch.  
"To the left. No back. No back a-"  
Spy scratched in a small circle, and the itchy man gave a happy sound.  
" **Roight** there. Yesssssssssss..." He sighed and slouched forwards against the wall, closing his eyes. His left leg jumped lightly. Kind of like a dog's.  
"... 'Ou really are adorable, even if 'ou are a smelly bushman."  
"Oi make sure to be the smelliest just for you, Love." And they both smiled softly.  
Sitting down again they settled for a moment in their seats. Sniper yawned quietly and Spy rolled his eyes, clearing his throat so he could continue his story.  
"Anyways..."  
Sniper looked up when Spy didn't continue.  
The Frenchman was squirming slightly in his chair, an arm hooked behind his back, expression upset. The Aussie grinned.  
"C 'mere Spook, I'll get that itch for ya~"


	2. A Heart to Heart Conversation

"If I 'ad to change one zhing about my past, I zhink it would be applying to Mann Co.... I could 'ave done somezhing much more fun. I could 'ave been an artist. Maybe zhere would be an apartment somewhere wizh gallery access. Ah, but I needed zhe money, and my painting skills are not zhe best I'm afraid." 

He sighed slowly before giving an almost mirthless chuckle. 

"Actually, my painting skills are shit. Non, non, I zhink I would 'ave much razher worked as somezhing less... romantic? 'Ou know... Like... Business. Oui, business. I would 'ave liked to work in an office. Zhe papers and 'ours might 'ave been dreadful, but zhink of all zhe interesting zhings! Like parties and coffee and stupid posters wizh cats oh who am I KIDDING??" 

There was an exasperated sound. 

"I WOULD RAZHER BE ANYWHERE ELSE ZHAN IN ZHIS FRIDGE, TALKING TO **A BABOON HEART! "**

The door swung open and a long German face peeked in. The Blu Spy head squinted at the sudden light before glaring at that damn grinning face. 

"Having a heart to heart I see?" 

"Oh fuck 'ou, zhat's not even funny."


End file.
